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The Melon in the High-End Gift Basket is Delicious

Translated by: ME

Treat me to a Ko-Fi to give me more motivation!!!

*****

「So, what exactly was all that?」

Franz asked me that while devouring the melon we’d received from Flora-chan (the greengrocer) in my room. I popped a neatly cut slice into my own mouth. Oh, so juicy. And incredibly sweet.

「An event.」
「An event?」

Franz repeated the word with a look that clearly asked, *What on earth is that?* I let out a small sigh. Now, how should I go about explaining this?

「Actually... you see... I have memories of my previous life!」

*Ta-da!* I made sure to pause for dramatic effect before my grand confession. Franz stared blankly at me for a moment, then let out a long, weary sigh.

「Ah... right. Actually, whenever I get really angry, a third eye opens right here on my forehead...」
「Not like that!」

He’s treating me like I have Chunibyo! I mean, I get why he’s skeptical, but his reaction was just too blunt!

「I’m serious! I really have them! It’s the truth! I’m not lying!」
「Sure, sure, sure. Here, Milady, say 'aah.'」

As he spoke, Franz brought a piece of melon on a fork to my lips. If someone holds it out like that, I’m going to eat it. ...And besides, it’s delicious.

「How about another? Here, say 'aah' again.」

He brought another slice to my mouth, so I munched on that one too.

「Melon is great, isn't it?」
「It’th delicious,」 I mumbled.

*Munch, munch.*

「Okay. Now that you've calmed down, let’s take it again from the top.」
「...Like I said, the memories of my previous life—」

As if to cut me off, Franz brought more melon on a fork to my lips.

*Munch, munch.*

「...And? Is this a story about how you were actually a tragic princess in your past life or something?」

I managed to swallow the melon and took a sip of tea. Melon and tea actually go surprisingly well together!

「It’s nothing like that. I was just a commoner.」

In fact, if I had some sort of special past, I’d take it to my grave.

「In that past life, I played a game that used this world as its setting.」
「A game?」
「Yep.」

This world has a very distorted way of technological evolution. If I say it’s because it was designed as a game, that’s really all there is to it. We have electricity. It’s generated via thermal, hydroelectric, and wind power. So, we have home appliances. However, there are no telephones. The primary means of communication is by letter. There are no cars, only horse-drawn carriages. Plumbing and sewage are fully established. There’s no TV. No PCs.

「Well, first, there's this thing called a 'video game'...」

From there, I began a simple explanation of video games. Then, I moved on to explaining what an 'otome game' was.

「So, basically, it’s a game where you enjoy hunting for men?」
「Watch your wording!! Call it a dream-filled game where you have fun and flirty times with handsome guys!」
「Isn't that just a matter of wording too...?」

Franz seemed to be getting bored with my long-winded explanation; he was resting his cheek on his hand at the table. Your attitude is terrible!

「Anyway, this world was the setting for an otome game.」
「And that would be that greengrocer...?」
「Correct.」

I gave a firm nod, but Franz had a troubled look on his face.

「According to your explanation, Milady, an 'otome game' is one where a girl is the protagonist and enjoys romance with various partners... right?」
「That’s right.」
「Which means, that girl who runs the greengrocer is the protagonist, and her partners are the King's brother and the Duke's son?」
「Exactly.」

I nodded again, and Franz let out a deep sigh.
「...Is that game actually fun...?」

After seeing those two, I can't blame him for asking. I can almost forgive not knowing the difference between lettuce and cabbage. But a napa cabbage? No, screw you, that’s going too far.

「It was a hybrid of a romance game with handsome guys and a shop management sim.」
「Ah... so that’s why she’s a greengrocer.」
「Right. And the management part was what was fun. People used to say, 'The romance parts are a nuisance' in that game.」
「Well, with those dimwits as partners, I can see why you'd think they’re nothing but a nuisance.」

Don't nod along. You're right, but don't nod. They’re a Duke's son and the King's brother. That’s lèse-majesté!

「And, you could choose which shop the protagonist managed.」
「...Could it be...?」

I’d had Franz look into it for me. He was quick on the uptake.

「Yes. A greengrocer, a butcher, and a fishmonger. The heroine’s name is Flora.」
「To think they all actually exist...」

I nodded as Franz muttered in exasperation. 「The world-building is so lazy that it’s actually kind of funny, isn't it?」

「Those... what were they called? Love interests?」
Hmm?
「Is it only the King's brother and the Duke's son?」
「For the greengrocer route, yes.」
「Then what about the other two?」

He’s surprisingly invested in this.

「For the fishmonger, it’s the Crown Prince and the King's brother. For the butcher, it’s the Knight Commander’s son and the King's brother.」
「Isn't the King's brother sticking his nose in a bit too much...?」
「Some players hated him like a swarm of locusts. They’d complain that he was way too much of a nuisance.」

Though, seeing him in reality, shouldn't the 'Freshness Prince' be even more hated? Hearing him talk so theatrically is incredibly annoying.

「...And you, Milady, actually played that?」
「I did.」

That’s exactly why I know the details. Franz sighed, still resting his cheek on his hand, and spoke in a bored tone.

「Which of those four do you like, Milady?」
Huh?

「It’s a romance game, right? And you played it, didn't you?」
「W-well, yes.」

Wait? Is he angry? Franz, your eyes are scary.

「Which of those four did you like?」

Hmm? Could this be... that 'jealousy' thing? Is he jealous that I’m the only one with romantic experience (albeit virtual)? But, the thing is...

「As far as this game goes, I thought they were all nothing but nuisances.」

I saw everyone's endings once, just to be sure. Oh, except the Freshness Prince. I didn't see his. That man was just too annoying, even in the game...

「The reason I played this game was because I wanted to do the management simulation. To be blunt, the love interests were all just in the way.」

After I’d seen everyone’s endings once, I used a fan-made mod called 'Delete Love Interests from Game' to play. It was incredibly comfortable. Since I’d already seen the events once and they were registered in the gallery, I could watch them whenever I wanted. Incidentally, the most popular fan-made mod was one called 'Erase the Freshness Prince from the Game.'

「...So, you don't actually like any of those four at all?」
「Not at all. I mean, after seeing that display at the greengrocer, I like them even less...」

In reality, they’re several times more annoying than in the game. Plus, they’re so stupid I can't keep up. Or rather, I don't *want* to keep up.

「Then that’s fine.」

Hmm? I don't quite get it, but apparently, that’s good enough for him.

「Anyway, what happened at the greengrocer was an event for when you select the greengrocer heroine.」
「...I can't imagine a romance actually starting from seeing that...」

He couldn't be more right. I think even a girl who specifically loves 'useless guys' would draw the line at that.

「But you never know, there might be some incredibly 'gallant' girls who think as long as he’s handsome, it's fine.」
「The moment they're 'gallant,' I start to doubt if they can even be called 'girls.'」

Stop giving me logical retorts to every little thing! It’s killing the conversation!

「...So, you want to keep an eye on these 'events,' Milady?」
「Yeah. It seems like it’ll be fun, right?」
「Well, there certainly were a lot of things to nitpick.」
「If anything, there were *too* many things.」

Actually, rather than too many, it was *all* nitpickable. Since it doesn't involve me personally, it’s genuinely hilarious. Hurrah for being reincarnated as a background character.

「By the way, what was that letter you had me deliver the other day?」

Ah, the letter that transformed into this melon—the one detailing the 'Love Interest Avoidance Methods.'

I stabbed a slice of melon on my plate with my fork and brought it to my mouth. It’s so incredibly good. It rivals the quality of a 1,500-yen seasonal melon parfait from a certain high-end fruit parlor. I can see the depth of Flora-chan’s gratitude in the quality of this melon.

「Even if there are romance events, sometimes you just aren't interested in the love interest.」
「Well, I suppose that’s true.」 Franz nodded, looking puzzled.
「If you aren't interested, those events are just annoying, right?」
「That makes sense. ...And?」
「In those cases, there are ways to avoid the events.」
「Avoid?」

Franz looked a bit surprised.

「Of course. It’s a game, right? It’s entertainment. It’d be stressful if you *had* to do things you didn't want to do, even in your leisure time.」
「I guess so. So, that letter...」

Franz muttered as if he’d realized something, and I gave him a grand, exaggerated nod.

「It was a list of ways to avoid events for the Duke's son and the King's brother. In other words: Walkthrough Info!」

...Well, rather than information for 'conquering' them, it was information in the opposite direction—how to effectively ignore the events that trigger automatically.

「No wonder that girl was so grateful...」

His nod of understanding was deep! I mean, I can see why he’d think that!

「I was wondering what you’d done to get such a gorgeous gift basket, Milady... but it all makes sense now.」

Franz nodded over and over. I’m telling you, that’s lèse-majesté.

Still, though...
「Seeing that interaction, I just felt so sorry for Flora-chan having to be followed around by those two... She was scattering salt everywhere, but they’re just going to come back anyway, so it’s a waste of salt...」

Even if salt isn't as expensive as it was in the middle ages, it’s still a waste.

As a side note, the salt monopoly was dismantled about thirty years ago, and now private companies produce and sell all kinds of salt. To the south of the royal capital is the sea, and the salt harvested there is sold as a premium brand. At the shops, they play a jingle that goes 『O-u-to-no, Shio!』 (Salt of the Capital!), but the melody is, naturally, identical to the famous 'Hakata no Shio' jingle. As a further side note, 'Hakata no Shio' does not exist in this country. The origin of that melody is a complete mystery. There is even a 'Tobacco and Salt Museum' in the capital! Admission for adults is 100 yen! It’s surprisingly fun!

「Since they're avoidance methods, does that mean those two won't show up at the greengrocer anymore?」
「No, they’ll still come.」

When I replied as if it were obvious, Franz narrowed his eyes suspiciously. 「Hah?」

「I mean, it’s only a way to avoid *that specific event*, so those two will keep coming back. Only after you repeat the avoidance several times will they finally stop showing up. They are persistent as hell.」
「...Is the King's brother really that bored...?」

As Franz looked off into the distance in exasperation, I found myself nodding along.
「Seriously... If he has time to be a public nuisance in the shopping district, you'd think he’d have other things to do...」
「Milady, that’s lèse-majesté.」
Look who’s talking!!

***

I drank my tea with the melon as a snack, and by the time I finished the fruit, Franz let out a small breath. What’s up? Are you full?

「So, Milady, next you’re going to play the Peeping Tom at the butcher or the fishmonger?」
「Watch your wording!」
「Uh... Peeping?」
「That’s the same thing!!」
「Observing.」
「Acceptable.」

Franz gave me a look of pure exasperation as I nodded. Stop that look. It hurts a little.

「I think the butcher is next. ...I should probably prepare an avoidance method letter in advance this time...」
「That might be for the best.」
「Yeah. I have a strong feeling that I’m going to feel really sorry for Flora-chan (the butcher)...」

Franz nodded deeply at my words.

*****

I'll just explain this one joke, Antoine describes a brand of salt in the capital that has a jingle: 「O-u-to-no, Shio!」.This is a parody of a very famous, real-life Japanese commercial for "Hakata no Shio." The jingle is iconic in Japan. Outo means capital city.

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