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That's It, I'm Going to the Greengrocer

Translated by: ME

Treat me to a Ko-Fi to give me more motivation!!!

*****

This is my first outing since regaining the memories of my previous life, and... good grief, this country is pure chaos.

First off, the language spoken here is flat-out Japanese. You probably thought it was just being rendered that way because I’m a former Japanese person narrating my life, right? Wrong. It is the native tongue. In other words, Sei-Sene-ish equals Japanese.

It makes sense, though—it’s a Japanese indie game! There was never an English localized version! It’s an isekai where a pun like 「The futon flew into the future」 actually lands. Not that I’d ever actually say anything that corny.

There’s a castle situated on a slightly elevated spot right in the heart of the royal capital, but no matter how you look at it, it’s *that* castle—the symbol of a certain mousey kingdom in Urayasu. White stone construction, light blue roof—that one. Just a luxury edition.

The author probably used that castle as reference material when drawing the backgrounds. A real King actually lives in there, you know? It’s a riot. You could practically hear him laughing in that high-pitched 「Ha-ha!」 voice.

Furthermore, the currency is the 'Yen'! Yay, so easy to understand! It makes sense for a management sim, I guess, but come on! Usually, you’d have 'Gold' or 'Gil' or 'Caps'—there are plenty of other options! Thanks to that, I actually have a decent sense of money for a noble lady, mostly because the cost of living is basically the same as in Japan.

Even the denominations are identical: one yen, five yen, ten yen coins... right up to one thousand, five thousand, and ten thousand yen bills. The designs are suspiciously familiar, too. If you just swapped out all the parts that say 'Bank of Japan' or 'Japan' with 'Sei-Sene' and changed the portraits of the great historical figures, it’d be a perfect match. The 'counterfeit' vibe is off the charts. It looks like play money from a 'Children’s Bank' set.

Then there’s the 365-day year, a leap year every four years, and the current date: 'Genesis Era 2021.'

How many things did you want to nitpick just now? For me, it was everything. But if you nitpick, you lose. Because for me, this is reality.

***

So, even though this is the 'nitpick-and-you-lose' world of the Sei-Sene Kingdom... please, just let me nitpick one thing. Why on earth is the shopping district *exactly* like a Japanese shopping district!?

Various shops line both sides of a straight road. Banners, signboards, and sales wagons spill out onto the pavement. At the entrance to the district, there’s an arch with 'Royal Capital Shopping District, 3rd Block' written in a rounded Gothic font. Use a slightly more sophisticated font, Author! Rounded Gothic!?

I don't know... everything just feels so familiar. It’s needlessly relaxing here.

Oh, there’s a taiyaki stand. Nice... I want one. 150 yen, huh? The food culture is incredibly Japanese. I never thought it was weird before, but just because I remembered my past life, now everything feels weird! Taiyaki!? I love them, though! I bought one, though!

I stroll through the shopping district, munching on my taiyaki. What? 「A noble lady shouldn't eat while walking」? Shut up. Taiyaki definitely tastes better when it's hot. Though it's still good cold. I just remembered the time I tried to heat one up in a toaster oven, left it for a bit, and the tail caught fire. Totally irrelevant story, but still.

***

I keep wandering through the delightful 3rd Block. And there it is! The greengrocer! The shop name is written in white Mincho font on a green arcade awning!

『Fresh Fruit & Veggie • Yaoya Celsius』

...Author... honestly, wouldn't it have been better to just set this game in Japan? The level of chaos is just wrong...

Conveniently, there’s an open-terrace café diagonally opposite the greengrocer. I decided to make myself at home there.

「Oh. They have a couple’s discount. A cake set for 1,500 yen! This is perfect!」
「If Milady is willing to let me have the chocolate cake, I might consider it,」 Franz said.

*Urgh...*

The couple’s discount set comes with two drinks and two cakes: a chocolate cake and a rare cheesecake. Both look delicious in the photos. But I want the chocolate cake! I like cheesecake too, but everyone has days where they are specifically in a 'chocolate cake mood'! And today is that day!

「Franz, you should take the rare cheesecake. Look, a lot of guys like cheesecakes and Mont Blancs, right?」
「Nah, I don't really care about generalizations like that.」
「Generalizations are important, you know!?」
「Sure. But right now, I don't care. ...Oh, excuse me. We'll take the couple's discount set, please.」

The discussion wasn't over yet! Why are you ordering on your own!?

「Here, Milady, what do you want to drink?」
「I'll have an iced café au lait.」

The waitress said 「Certainly!」 with a friendly smile and headed to the back of the shop.

***

In the end, I decided to split the cake set with Franz. Franz watched me with a look that said he wanted to comment as I used a knife to slice the cakes precisely down the middle.

「...If you have something to say, say it.」
「You're being pedantic.」

An immediate response!

「You have to do these things properly, otherwise it leaves a lasting grudge!」
「A grudge over cake...?」

What? There is nothing more terrifying than a grudge held over food!

「If you're so sure it won't leave a grudge, then you should just be a good boy and eat the cheesecake. I’ll eat the chocolate.」
「Yeah, that’s not happening.」

Give an inch, would you!?

I ate my vertical half-slice of the now-paper-thin cake. Oh, the cheesecake is good too. Is that raspberry sauce? Yeah, the sweet-and-sour flavor is nice.

「...Milady.」

I looked at Franz when he called out, and he silently jerked his chin toward the greengrocer. What now? And stop that gesture, it makes you look more important than me.

I looked toward the shop, and lo and behold, an event was just about to begin.

Standing at the storefront was the 'Freshness Prince'—rather, His Royal Highness Prince Frisches—dressed in sparkly clothes that screamed 「I am a noble!」 As expected of a hidden character with zero intention of hiding! He isn't hidden at all; he’s not even trying to be discreet!

「...That’s the King’s brother, isn't it...?」 Franz’s voice was filled with confusion. Well, I don't blame him.
「Yes, from any angle, that is definitely His Highness.」

From his hairstyle to his clothing, he looked so much like he belonged in the royal palace that he didn't look out of place at all—except for the fact that he was in a shopping district, which made the contrast bizarre.

The Prince seemed to be staring intently at the items out front. Did something catch his eye? The Freshness Prince is a treasure trove of minor events, so even if an event flag has been triggered, it's usually impossible to tell.

As we watched, His Highness picked up a magnificent head of lettuce with both hands, lifting it as if presenting it to the heavens. It was a splendid lettuce—round and succulent.

「What a magnificent cabbage this is!」

His voice, as booming as a stage actor's, reached us perfectly.

「...That’s a lettuce, isn't it?」 Franz was profoundly bewildered.
「From any angle, that is a splendid lettuce,」 I replied.

However, my dear Franz, there are a certain number of people in this world who cannot tell the difference between lettuce and cabbage. Well, even if someone buys the wrong one, you can usually make it work... as long as the menu isn't okonomiyaki.

「So green and succulent! It looks truly delicious, does it not!?」

I agree with you there, Freshness Prince.

While the Prince was loudly praising the lettuce, a young man who looked like a noble in disguise approached him.
「What exactly have you been prattling on about for a while now?」

He was an intellectual-looking handsome man with silver-rimmed glasses and hair tied loosely below his shoulders. This was Rafanas, the son of a Duke. He looked more 'in disguise' than the Prince, but he couldn't hide his noble aura.

「Wait, wasn't he the heir to a Duke or a Marquis?」 Franz saw through him instantly.
「Yes. He is the heir of a Duke's house.」
「The King’s brother and the heir of a Duke... Why are such high-ranking nobles flocking to a greengrocer?」
「If you nitpick, you lose.」
「...Who are you competing against?」
「The world!」

I said it with an atmosphere that suggested 'BOOM!!' sound effects should be appearing in the air. Franz paused for a moment before giving a hollow 「Haaaah.」 Stop that hollow reply!

「I do not know who you are, but you are mistaken! That is not a cabbage!」
Franz made a face of pure exasperation at Rafanas’s voice.
「He looks like the King’s brother no matter how you look at him, but is nitpicking that also a 'loss'?」
Exactly.

「If it isn't a cabbage, then what is it? You are still young. You clearly know nothing of vegetables, do you?」
「Is it also forbidden to say, 'Neither do you'...?」 Franz’s exasperated face wouldn't go away. You’re actually quite handsome, Franz, so try to keep your face under control.

「I know more than you,」 Rafanas said with a derisive snort. Then, he pointed dramatically at the lettuce held by the Prince. 「That is not a cabbage! It is a napa cabbage!!」
「The shape is completely different!」 I blurted out.

「Milady, didn't you say nitpicking is a loss?」 Franz asked while eating his cake. I felt a bit of a 「Gunu-nu...」 moment.
「I did, but 'napa cabbage'? Seriously? There’s no way that's a napa cabbage.」
「Well, true... if I found lettuce in a hot pot, I might feel a bit let down.」
「Actually, it’s surprisingly okay.」 I don’t mind lettuce in hot pot, though many people dislike it. It's good in miso soup, too.

「You call this a napa cabbage?」 The Prince snorted derisively. (Not that it matters, but why are you both being so theatrical?)
The Prince gently placed the lettuce back in the basket and then picked up a real cabbage, holding it high. It was exactly like that scene from the lion king movie where the baboon holds up the newborn cub.
「If you claim that was a napa cabbage, then what do you intend to call *this*!?」
He was triumphant. The Prince was looking extremely smug.

「...That’s a cabbage, right?」
「It’s a cabbage. If someone said, 'Go buy a napa cabbage,' and they brought back a cabbage, you could probably make it work, right?」
「Is that really the issue here?」

Rafanas, looking at the cabbage in the Prince's hands, let out a 「Guh...」 I have no idea why he’s reacting like that. For starters, neither of them is a napa cabbage.

「...A crowd is starting to gather.」
「Yeah...」
Shoppers were stopping to watch the nonsensical comedy routine unfolding in front of the greengrocer. I get it. It’s so confusing you can't help but look. Honestly, aren't those two just obstructing business at this point...?

As I watched, a girl stepped out from inside the shop.
「Ah, that’s the shopkeeper,」 Franz said.
Ooh! So she's the heroine (Greengrocer version)!

「Um... excuse me, customers...」 Flora-chan called out hesitantly.
As expected of an otome game heroine, she was adorable. She had soft chestnut hair and large, striking green eyes. Her features were cute and well-proportioned; she was of average height and slender. ...*Tsk*, I'm jealous...

「...Milady, why did you just click your tongue?」
「Hah?」
I didn't! I only did it in my head!

「Are you... an employee here...?」 Rafanas was suddenly dazed by Flora-chan. That was fast. As expected of a game where people said the 'romance elements are a nuisance.' The love interests fall in love way too quickly.
「Yes, but... Excuse me, customers, but I'd prefer if you didn't have disagreements in front of the shop...」
Naturally. Especially when the topic is so incredibly pointless.

「If you are an employee, then perfect! You! Tell this man the name of this vegetable!」 the Prince said, still projecting like a stage actor.
Even from here, I could see Flora-chan’s face was the picture of annoyance.
「...It’s a cabbage?」

At Flora-chan’s words, the two men froze as if struck by lightning before collapsing to their knees. What? What just happened?

「Cabbage... you say...?」
「How... was it not a napa cabbage...?」

Since it wasn't the season, they didn't even have napa cabbage out, but I wonder what would have happened if they did? It probably would have just been more chaotic.

「Um, are we finished? You’re bothering the other customers...」
At Flora-chan’s words, the two stood up simultaneously. The Prince gently returned the cabbage he was holding to the stand.

「We shall call it a draw for today!」
Over what!?
「Hmph! I’ll let you have that for now!」
I said, over *what*!?

The two men turned to Flora-chan at the same time and bowed simultaneously. It was a formal noble’s bow. You guys really aren't trying to be discreet, are you?
「Apologies for the disturbance, Lady. We shall take our leave for today...」
As the Freshness Prince spoke, the Duke’s son gave Flora-chan a smile.
「This shop has nothing but wonderful vegetables. I shall stop by again, Lady.」

Flora-chan, receiving those words, had eyes that were completely dead. I could practically hear her inner voice screaming, (You're coming back!?)

As the two of them departed in different directions, a woman who seemed to be a regular called out to Flora-chan.
「Flora-chan, what was with those noble gentlemen...?」
"Noble gentlemen"—it was totally obvious. Well, you’d have to be blind not to notice.
「I wonder...? Do you think I could ask the patrol knights to crack down on them...?」
She’s treating them like suspicious persons!! Well, they *are* completely suspicious!

「Even if she tells the knights, they can't exactly do anything to the King's brother,」 Franz noted.
「I suppose not... Oh, she’s throwing salt.」
Flora-chan was scattering salt at the storefront. I understand how you feel, but those idiots will be back. Don't waste your salt, dear.

「...Shall we head home for today, Franz?」
「Gotcha.」
As usual, what a lazy reply!

***

After returning home, I wrote a letter addressed to Flora-chan (Greengrocer). It contained all the Rafanas events I could remember that trigger automatically, along with how to avoid them. Well, even though I say "avoid," the method is basically just "complete and total ignorance." Some events can be postponed (not avoided) by using specific lines or actions. I wrote those down and asked Franz to deliver the letter to Flora-chan.

The event was worth seeing, but I felt so sorry for Flora-chan having to deal with those two absolute morons.

A few days later, Franz returned from delivering the letter with a gift basket of high-end assorted fruits that Flora-chan had given him as a thank-you.

*****

I decide to list some joke that may or may not need an explanation.

The entrance to the fantasy shopping district uses a "Round Gothic" (Maru Gothic) font on the archway. This is a very modern, cute, and "soft" font often used in Japanese public signage or Microsoft Word. Antoine insults the author for being too lazy to pick a "fantasy-style" font.

When the Prince tries to prove his point, he holds a cabbage high above his head. The text explicitly compares this to Rafiki holding up Simba in The Lion King.

After the "romantic" interaction where the love interests fall for her, the Heroine (Flora) immediately starts scattering salt at the storefront. In Japanese culture, throwing salt is a way to "purify" an area and get rid of bad luck or "filth" after a disgusting person leaves. She doesn't see them as handsome princes; she sees them as "Suspicious Persons" who need to be exorcised.

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