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Could Someone Please Quietly Close the Door on this Royal Family?

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*****

A mysterious, grand event has begun—the arrival of His Majesty the King.

As a side note, His Majesty never makes so much as a shadow of an appearance in the game. It’s a story about an individual shop located within a shopping district. Since it’s not the kind of plot that requires a King to intervene, his absence was only natural.

...Though his son, the Mackerel Prince, and his younger brother, the Freshness Prince, are certainly intervening.

Now that I think about it, His Majesty doesn't bother with a disguise, does he?

He isn't wearing a "non-disguised" disguise look like the Mackerel Prince.

But then again, the weight of the titles "Crown Prince" and "King" are worlds apart; he probably wouldn't do something so reckless.

That’s a relief.

It means there is at least one sane-looking person at the heart of this country.

As expected, His Majesty is surrounded by a guard of knights. That’s how it should be! Mackerel Prince, Freshness Prince—have some consideration for the hard work of your guards!

The knights were handling crowd control, and a throng of onlookers gathered around.

Beyond them, I could indeed see His Majesty the King.

But wait.

Why is His Majesty wearing pumpkin pants and white tights?

This is the Sei-Sene Kingdom, a place with a King and nobles, but even the nobility rarely wear formal gowns or dresses.

I’d like those of you from 21st-century Earth to recall: the kings and nobles of existing "Kingdoms" don't wear elaborate costumes on a daily basis, do they? The men usually just wear suits.

Even the Emperor of Japan wears a suit during his official duties.

In the Sei-Sene Kingdom, it’s the same.

For court ceremonies and the like, women wear dresses and men wear morning coats.

Morning coats!

No one wears a jacket with a massive ruff collar, pumpkin pants, and white tights like the King is wearing now.

Furthermore, His Majesty is wearing a bright red velvet cloak... and a crown is perched perfectly atop his head...

You really are a "King" straight out of a picture book, aren't you, Your Majesty?

「Did he just wander out of a stage play?」

It certainly looks like a theatrical costume.

But perhaps...

「Maybe His Majesty got scammed by a swindler who told him, 'This is the very height of fashion.' And since no one could point it out, he headed into town only for some honest child to shout, 'The King has weird clothes~'...」

「This isn't The Emperor's New Clothes...」

The author is technically unknown, but the fable of The Emperor's New Clothes does exist here. Wait, what do I mean "author unknown"? Isn't it Andersen?

No, Andersen was an Earthling.

Then who seriously wrote it here?!

***

His Majesty made his way around the stalls one by one, speaking to the shopkeepers.

When His Majesty spoke to her, Big Sister Maarl performed a magnificent curtsy. I mean, damn, Big Sister! That curtsy was beautiful! As expected of Big Sister, she's so cool!

His Majesty chuckled slightly at the sight and performed a "bow and scrape," saying, 「Thank you for the beautiful greeting.」

His movements were playful and quite charming. ...If only one could turn a blind eye to the outfit.

Or rather, do the pumpkin pants actually suit his gestures? I don't even know anymore.

***

As His Majesty moved, the crowd surrounding him moved in unison.

As I sat on a bench watching the scene blankly, a resonant, "velvet" voice reached my ears from somewhere.

「Aha! What a delightful-looking event this is!」

He’s arrived!

Despite being in such an open space with so many people, that man with the unnecessarily clear, beautiful voice is here!

「That diaphragmatic projection is incredible. I can hear him perfectly.」

I couldn't help but nod at Franz’s exasperated mutter.

「There aren't many people who project their presence that aggressively upon arrival.」

Every single time, that resonant voice is heard long before the person is seen.

The square is large. Since it’s a square, it is wide.

The Freshness Prince was at the western edge, and His Majesty was toward the eastern edge. They were at opposite ends. The Freshness Prince’s voice probably hadn't even reached His Majesty.

I wonder if His Majesty will notice the Freshness Prince?

Based on the pattern so far, it’ll probably turn into another of those farcical "Who are you supposed to be?" interactions.

The Freshness Prince was browsing the stall of Flora-chan the Fishmonger.

He looked at the grilled squid and said, 「Squid and octopus are far too difficult to tell apart!」 but isn't it actually quite easy?

Flora-chan the Fishmonger was, as usual, perfectly and completely ignoring him.

Maybe she has a special ability where she can't see the Freshness Prince or the Mackerel Prince.

In fact, the madams who seemed to be regulars were also completely ignoring him. I see, it’s a "familiar eccentricity."

Though having something called a "familiar eccentricity" is pretty depressing.

By the way, I haven't seen the Mackerel Prince since around the time His Majesty arrived.

Since he is technically "incognito," it would probably be bad if he were spotted by His Majesty, who is here on official business. Not that he’s actually incognito.

The Freshness Prince pointed at a salted sea bream and said, 「I shall take that fish!」 As usual, his purchases are meager. Though it’s better than buying nothing.

The Prince had the sea bream placed in a bag and handed it to his attendant—the "Sooty-Soot" brother I’d seen before.

Just then, Double-Maru-san approached, accompanied by his flock of girls.

「Ho! You are quite round, aren't you!」

That’s your opening line?!

「One can't have 'sharp edges' when dealing with customers, after all!」

Double-Maru-san, perfect comeback! You're the best!

I mean, is that why everyone’s body is a circle? Hana-chan’s concept notes didn't say a single word about that.

The King’s brother was delighted, saying, 「Round! Hahaha! Round!」 as he patted Double-Maru-san all over.

Double-Maru-san... the person inside must be incredibly bewildered.

I want to tell him: If you take this man seriously, you’ve already lost.

***

The Freshness Prince and His Majesty were at opposite poles of the circle, moving clockwise around the square at almost the same speed.

The distance between them didn't shrink at all.

「This would make a math problem writer cry...」

Usually, the older brother has to walk about one kilometer per hour faster than the younger brother.

「A math problem?」

Franz looked puzzled.

Ah, right. Franz hasn't gone through middle school or high school with me, so he doesn't know the "common math problem tropes."

「It’s a 'math thing.' Like brothers who leave the same house for the same destination but somehow don't leave at the same time. Another famous regular member of the math club is 'Moving Point P.'」

「Haa...」

Yeah, it’s not clicking at all! Sorry, Franz!

***

Now, regarding the older and younger brothers walking at the same speed around the fountain square:

The older brother was interacting with the people in a peaceful, gentle manner. Everyone around His Majesty was smiling. It was a lovely sight.

And as for the younger brother...

「I have it! This question is a trick!!」

He was pointing at the quiz flipboard at the front of Flora-chan the Greengrocer’s stall, making such a baseless complaint.

「A trick... I guess you could call it that?」

I mean, they are lining up similar-looking plants.

「But I don't think that's the usual definition of a 'trick question.'」

Aren't "trick questions" usually something a bit more malicious?

「Garlic chives do not exist among these four! That is the answer!!」

The Prince declared with an intensity that practically demanded a "BAM!!" sound effect.

「Because! Garlic chives are white!!」

The surroundings visibly stirred at the Freshness Prince’s statement.

I wonder what the Prince is confusing garlic chives with...?

「Maybe green onions?」

「But this is that Prince. It wouldn't be surprising if he’s mistaken on a fundamental level.」

「Then maybe a radish or something?」

That’s possible, but there’s a high probability he’s confusing it with something that would make you go, "Wait, why?"

A kind madam standing near the Prince told him that garlic chives were number two.

To that, the Prince didn't seem convinced, saying, 「That is different from the garlic chives I know!!」 but what on earth is the garlic chive you know?

「Garlic chives are those white things with thin arms and legs that walk unsteadily and feebly, right?!」

Which ones?!

I mean, what even is that!!

「...Is that man the only one living in a fantasy world or something?」

「Maybe some kind of Mandragora-like creature lives at the Prince’s estate...」

Seriously, what?

If it has arms and legs and walks, it’s not even a plant anymore.

***

The brothers continued to view the fountain square, moving at the same speed.

...Why are these brothers moving at the exact same speed...? It’s more inexplicable than a math problem...

In the First District Shopping District area, the Prince looked at Maru-san and was happily patting him all over, saying, 「Round!! Hahaha! Round!! How round you are!!」

...I mean, why is that man so excited about things being "round"?

Is he a "roundness fetishist" or something? I’ve never even heard of such a fetish.

I’m glad Big Sister Maarl didn't fall prey to the Prince’s clutches...

Though Big Sister seems like she’d be good at dodging him.

After the Prince left, Maru-san was crouched on the spot, completely drained.

...Well, the opponent is clearly a person of high status. You can't exactly shake him off by force.

Maru-san, thank you for your service...!

After satisfying himself with Maru-san’s roundness, the Prince ordered some chicken breast at Hana-chan’s stall.

「He bought breast meat last time too, didn't he?」

「Yeah. Maybe he likes it, or maybe he doesn't know any meat other than chicken breast exists.」

「...The fact that we can't deny that possibility is terrifying...」

The Prince’s potential for stupidity is staggering!

***

The brothers had been moving at the same speed, but unexpectedly, His Majesty stopped walking halfway through.

The Freshness Prince caught up to His Majesty!

Is it a farce?! Is the usual farce about to begin?!

「What are you doing here?」

His Majesty, having spotted the Prince, spoke in a tone of utter exasperation.

To that, the Prince wore a slightly twitching, forced smile.

「Wh-whatever do you mean? I am merely a commoner who happened to be passing by...」

「Fool. Did you think you could deceive the eyes of your own brother!」

Your Majesty!!

Your outfit might be... like that, but as expected of the one who rules the country, you truly are different from the others!

His Majesty pointed a finger—Bishi!—at the Freshness Prince’s tie pin.

「That tie pin is something I gifted to my younger brother!! It is a custom-made item, and no one other than my brother possesses it!!」

That’s the giveaway?!

「There’s more than that, right?! Like his face, his face, or his face!」

I spoke to Franz instinctively, and he nodded.

「Right. There are much more obvious things, aren't there? Like his face, or his face...」

After all, the Freshness Prince hasn't hidden his face, nor has he even used a disguise as simple as a pair of glasses.

However, having been called out, the Prince clutched his chest and said, 「Curse it! I was careless!!」

...Your carelessness goes far beyond that, you know.

「...So, what are you doing here?」

At His Majesty’s question, the Prince looked around.

「I, too, sometimes wish to mingle with the common folk.」

The Prince spoke with his usual singing, resonant voice. ...I mean, this man has too many defining characteristics—his unnecessarily beautiful voice, his way of speaking... And yet, the deciding factor was the tie pin...?

「Hmm. Understanding the state of the people is an important matter.」

His Majesty nodded as if convinced.

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I have nothing but doubts as to whether this man is actually capable of "understanding the state of the people"...

「Did you see it as well, Brother? This vitality! And the roundness!!」

His Majesty wasn't exactly obsessed with the roundness, though!

「Indeed. Each shopping district is making the most of its unique characteristics, working hard to improve, and complementing one another. It is quite wonderful.」

...Your Majesty, you completely ignored the "roundness," didn't you...

「Such a delightful space, and such roundness, can only be known by descending among the people.」

「Indeed, that is true. I do not fail to understand your desire to be there not as 'Royalty,' but as 'one of the people.'」

Ignored the "roundness" again.

I mean, Freshness Prince, have you seriously awakened to a roundness fetish...?

「I’ve got it...!」

Watching the interaction between the brothers, I had an epiphany.

「Got what?」

「The Freshness Prince’s statements—you just have to ignore the nonsensical parts and only respond to the parts you understand...!」

Just like His Majesty is completely ignoring the "roundness"!

「...It’s true, the conversation is holding up even while he ignores the 'roundness' entirely.」

「That’s probably how you’re supposed to do it!」

Maybe you shouldn't listen to everything that man says seriously!

「I am prepared for a scolding from you, Brother, for sneaking out of the palace. But I have no regrets!!」

Really, why does he speak with such smooth, singing modulation?

Also, his gestures are huge. Is this a musical?

「Because I was able to encounter such a wonderful event, and such wonderful roundness!」

His Majesty merely nodded, saying, 「I see, I see.」

Your Majesty, please put in more effort. This is your younger brother, you know?

「Brother... I have been thinking. What can I, as your brother, do for this country? The answer was right here...!」

「...He didn't look like he was thinking about something so grand...」

Shh! Don't say it, Franz.

The Freshness Prince looked straight at His Majesty and declared in his usual beautiful voice:

「I, too, wish to start a business!」

*****

I want to build a new keyboard, no cash tho. Random trivia corner at your service.

The King appears in pumpkin pants, white tights, a ruff collar, and a velvet cloak. Ann notes that in the 21st century, modern royalty (and even her current world’s nobility) usually wear suits or morning coats for official business.

Ann worries the King was scammed by a tailor into wearing "fashionable" clothes, and a child is about to shout that he’s weird. This is a direct reference to the Hans Christian Andersen fable where a vain King is tricked into wearing "invisible" clothes.

The King and the Prince are moving at the exact same speed around the square, so they never meet. Ann calls this a "problem for math writers." In Japanese middle school math exams, there are constant word problems involving "Person A and Person B walking at different speeds to see when they meet."

Ann mentions "Moving Point P" as a "regular member" of the math club.This is a famous meme among Japanese students. Geometry problems frequently involve a "Point P" that moves along the perimeter of a square or triangle at a set speed, and students must calculate the area of the resulting triangle.
The Prince claims Garlic Chives (Nira) are white, have arms and legs, and walk unsteadily. Ann realizes he is describing a Mandragora (Mandrake root), a mythical plant that looks like a human.
The Prince is obsessed with how "round" Maru-san and Double-Maru-san are, patting them and shouting 「Round!!」The Prince has moved past "political interest" and has seemingly developed a genuine, bizarre fetish for spherical shapes. The King’s ability to completely ignore these outbursts is his true "superpower."

The King identifies his brother not by his face (which is completely visible), but by a specific custom-made tie pin. This parodies the "Secret Identity" trope in fiction where a character is "disguised" despite being perfectly recognizable.
The Prince's attendant is called "Makkuro Kurosuke." This is the Japanese name for the "Soot Sprites" from the Studio Ghibli films My Neighbor Totoro and Spirited Away.

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