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People Who Spout Fish Trivia Should Wear a Boxfish on Their Head

Treat me to a Ko-Fi to give me more motivation!!!

Editing on Brave is easier than Firefox, I dunno why.

*****

...I’m having nightmares about that pink, round thing at least once every two days now.

Fear the pink thing...!

Wait, should I actually be fearing Hana-chan for creating it in the first place?

***

As a human being, if you move your body and eat until your stomach is full, you usually sleep soundly without dreaming.

With that in mind, I decided to go on a scouting mission to the fishmonger's while getting some exercise.

Naturally, my companion is Franz-kun.

「...I think this every single time.」

「What is it?」

Walking at a brisk pace, I look over at Franz, who is matching my speed beside me.

「Even if it's an 'incognito' trip, couldn't they at least put out a carriage for us?」

That’s right.

I am indeed heading to the shopping district 'incognito.' My disguise is even perfect°.

But!

To the father of the Layla-Franz siblings—our family butler—who said, 「Since it’s incognito, surely a carriage won’t be necessary,」 I have this to say:

Normally, you’d still need one!!

Why does an incognito noble lady have to trudge for forty minutes one way to her destination?!

And of course, it'll be another forty minutes on the way back!!

「Even so, Milady, you’re just gonna buy snacks and eat them anyway, so shouldn't you move around a bit?」

「Are you telling me you don't know the 'Zero-Calorie Theory'?」

「Never heard of it.」

Franz replies as if it’s common knowledge, and I click my tongue at him in my head.

「Milady, you should stop clicking your tongue.」

「I didn't do it!!」

Don't go hearing the tongue-clicks inside my head!!

I haven't explicitly mentioned it until now, but every time I've gone out to the shopping district, it’s been on foot.

Usually, you wouldn't make a noble girl walk for nearly an hour, right?! I don't know any "reincarnated in another world" stories like that!

Is this world not just sloppy, but also specifically harsh toward me?! I wanted to be the kind of protagonist who is universally loved or totally doted upon!!

Lately, I feel like I'm becoming quite cynical...

I’m not really a foul-mouthed girl... I’m supposed to be a soft, sweet, and cute noble lady...

「Actually, Milady, you aren't really 'soft' or 'the cute type' at all.」

「Then why do you keep replying to my inner thoughts normally?!」

「Everything’s coming out of your mouth.」

「Seriously?!」

This is bad... I need to zip my mental lips...

Walking along, I can't help but sigh.

「Fine, if I’m not soft or the cute type, then what type am I?」

「Let’s see...」

After a brief pause as if to think, Franz looks at me with his usual bored expression. You really lack motivation whenever I look at you.

「The 'naive and idealistic' type?」

「That’s cruel!」

Is that any way to talk to a noble lady!

Ah, but it contains the word 'sweet'° in the Japanese sense, so maybe it's okay...?

No, it's not okay. It's not okay at all.

***

Walking along with a closed heart, I arrived at District 2 Shopping District.

Ah... the palette-swapped scenery is so soothing to the soul...

And as for the writing on the arcade... I can't believe it's in the Kantei-ryu style... How "Wa." It’s the spirit of Japan. What's next, a "Full House Thanks" sign...?

From Hana-chan's story, I already knew that the shop locations were palette-swaps. ...Well, even without asking, I had a faint idea—or rather, I was certain of it.

In District 3, there was a taiyaki shop; in District 1, there was a takoyaki shop; and here, there was actually a donut stand.

Feeling like an American police officer, I requested one Chocolate Fashion.

The crunchy bits around the edge of an Old Fashioned donut are incredibly delicious. The fact that the chocolate is a bit bitter also earns high points.

Plus, calories accumulate in the center, so a donut with a hole in the middle is zero-calorie, which also earns high points.

***

Where District 3 had a stylish cafe and District 1 had a Japanese-style cafe, there was now a standing bar. The 'Otome Game' aspect of the world-building is doing absolutely no work here.

「I wonder if I can't go in because I'm a minor?」

「Nah, looks like it's fine.」

As he speaks, Franz points to a piece of paper stuck to the shop's entrance.

It stated that alcohol sales start after 5:00 PM, and from 2:00 PM to 5:00 PM, they serve light snacks and soft drinks.

Since it’s a standing bar, there are no chairs.

Franz and I lean in together to look at the menu on the high table.

Hmm, as expected of an izakaya. It’s packed with menus that make the heart dance.

「Are you ready to order?」

A friendly-looking guy with a towel wrapped around his head came to take our order.

「Um, Agedashi tofu, Motsu-ni, edamame, and fried chicken, please. Also, an oolong tea.」

Hm? Franz has a look of total exasperation on his face.

「Is that all for your order?」

「Yes.」

At the guy’s confirmation, Franz ended the order without requesting anything for himself.

「Franz, aren't you going to order anything?」

「No, I mean... Milady, just how much are you planning to eat...?」

「Eh? But you can't leave out the Agedashi and Motsu-ni, right? And if we order edamame and fried chicken, someone will eat them...」

「There is no 'someone.' It's just me and you, Milady...」

THAT’S RIIIIGHT!!

For some reason, I was in the mood of a drinking party organizer...

I’m glad... I’m glad I didn't accidentally go for the french fries too...

「Standing bars are terrifying...!!」

To think the atmosphere alone would make me order this much...!!

「...No, I’m the one who find you terrifying, Milady...」

Don't you go sighing at me! I'm not scary!!

***

The items we ordered arrived. I ate the Motsu-ni and Franz ate the edamame while we watched the fishmonger.

「Joule Fish Market, huh...」

「Seems so.」

On the blue arcade, the words 「Joule Fish Market」 were written in white letters using a blocky Pop font.

I figured it would be either Joule or Kelvin! But I thought it would be Kelvin! Why? Just because! The way it sounds!

「Nothing much is happening.」

「True. The tripe is delicious. Want some, Franz?」

「I’ve got the edamame and fried chicken.」

Fair enough... Sorry for ordering like a thoughtless party organizer...

The well-stewed tripe can be bitten through easily with a snap.

I like it this way, but there are people who say, 「Tripe has to have a rubbery texture!」 I also like the rubbery kind that you chew and chew and chew (×∞), though.

The torn konjac is also well-marinated and delicious.

The carrots and burdock root are good too. The radish is undeniably delicious.

Maybe I'll sprinkle some shichimi pepper on it.

While I was rummaging through the condiment containers on the table, I heard a voice from the direction of the fishmonger.

「Ah, is that not a beautiful Pacific saury...! When choosing saury at a fish market, one should select those with firm bodies, vibrant blue backs, clear eyes, and tips of the mouth and bases of the tail that are yellowish (or orangey).」

A prince-like prince with sparkling blonde hair and blue eyes appeared.

You, put on a bit more of a disguise!! For the sake of security, put on a bit more of an incognito vibe!!

「...Is the future of this country going to be okay?」

Franz says this as he pops an edamame into his mouth. I want to nod, but I feel like I shouldn't.

「Oh, is this mackerel! Common mackerel is in season now. While common mackerel usually reaches its peak from autumn to winter, blue mackerel is served when common mackerel is out of season. While blue mackerel doesn't have a specific 'peak season,' it is often served when common mackerel is unavailable, so blue mackerel is considered to be in season during the summer.」

The Prince stands before the storefront, reciting fish trivia for every single thing he sees.

「Wasn't the Crown Prince supposed to be 'brilliant'?」

Franz eats his edamame while tilting his head in puzzlement.

「Because he’s 'brilliant,' he doesn't get the products wrong and can spout fish trivia.」

The tripe is so good.

「...Is that what 'brilliant' meant...?」

「I don't think so. ...Ah, the tripe is gone...」

Right, time to tackle the Agedashi tofu!

The Prince started reciting trivia about young yellowtail this time.

Just then, Flora-chan appeared from inside the shop. Flora-chan added ice to the display cases at the storefront, ignored the Prince who was rattling off trivia, and went back inside.

「The shopkeeper is just straight-up ignoring the Prince.」

「Maybe it's already a familiar sight. The Prince’s Fish Trivia Corner.」

The Crown Prince is a character with the settings 'exquisite features' and 'excellence in both literary and military arts.'

As a demonstration of that brilliance, he recites fish trivia fluently... But rather than brilliance, he's just a fish otaku! It’s like I can see a boxfish hovering over his head!

I have to say, the game's author got the demonstration of 'brilliant' all wrong!

Should I just call him 'Prince-kun-san' now?

I’m not some punk, so I’m the type of person who properly attaches a 'san.'

「The freshness of Japanese flying squid can be determined by the darkness of its body color. The darker brown or blackish-brown it is, the fresher it is; as freshness drops, it turns a whitish color. Other than that, it is said that those with firm suckers are good. Since it is a food high in purines, those with gout must be careful.」

「...No one’s listening, so why does he keep talking like that...?」

Franz’s eyes as he looks at the Prince are cold.

「People who like to spout trivia tend to be like that. It’s probably that.」

「Ah...」

He was convinced.

But isn't the Prince’s trivia surprisingly useful?

...Though it probably only resonates with people who cook for themselves and housewives.

「Don't you think if we left him there as a decoration for the fish market, we’d actually catch a fair amount of the housewife demographic?」

「Milady, calling him 'that thing' is a bit disrespectful.」

Franz says this as he finishes his edamame and starts poking at the fried chicken.

I mean, since he’s talking even though no one is listening, he’s starting to look like some kind of device...

「Ho! A fish market! Splendid!」

He’s here! That guy who speaks sonorously with an unnecessarily good voice!!

「Seriously, is this country going to be okay?」

「Shh! Don't say it.」

Because it’ll make me anxious.

The Fresh Prince stopped when he saw the Mackerel Prince reciting trivia at the storefront.

He is the King’s brother. In other words, he’s the Mackerel Prince’s uncle. I wonder what he thinks of his nephew spouting trivia at a storefront.

「Young man...」

The Fresh Prince calls out to the Mackerel Prince in a beautiful voice.

Being called, the Prince stops his trivia about clams and looks at the Fresh Prince.

What on earth will they say...!

「From what I see, you appear to be the son of a wealthy household.」

Fresh Prince, are you testing him?! Or are you being serious?!

「Since you say that, might you be a noble or something yourself?」

Prince, which one are you being too?!

「No, I am but a common citizen passing by!」

「I too am but a fish-lover passing by.」

「I see!」

「Yes.」

Eh...? What is this farce...?

The Fresh Prince is already saying things like 「Fish would be good for tonight's dinner!」 and the Mackerel Prince has started reciting trivia again.

I mean, it's not a farce—do those people seriously not realize each other's true identities...?

「Is this country okay...」

「Might be a lost cause.」

What a quick answer!

Because there are two weird people at the storefront, no other customers are coming.

As I watched, the Prince, having finished reciting trivia for the entire row of fish at the storefront, gave a nod with a look of extreme satisfaction and walked away.

...What on earth does that man come here for...?

The Fresh Prince is saying terrifying things like 「I'll have this mackerel made into sashimi!」

「If he eats the mackerel raw and gets sick, maybe the shopkeeper can finally open her shop in peace.」

Franz... you might be right, but don't say it so clearly.

Ah, as expected, Flora-chan is refusing to make mackerel sashimi. Well, of course she is.

When you buy mackerel at a supermarket or something, make sure to cook it properly before eating! That’s a promise from Milady!

In the end, the Fresh Prince bought two horse mackerels and left.

「That guy has money, but his purchases are always so meager.」

「According to Hana-san, his purchase amount increases as his affection level goes up.」

I’ve skipped all of the Prince’s events, so I’ve never seen it, though.

According to Hana-chan, who apparently saw all of the Prince’s events in the code when she was making her mod (she said she "didn't even have the motivation" to play them), the Prince does that once his affection level rises.

The 「I'll take everything from here on the shelf to there!」 thing.

...That's not the way you shop at a fresh food store, is it? That’s something you do at a clothing store or a jewelry shop.

I wonder how many girls actually feel their hearts flutter at this event of the Prince...?

And what would they do after buying 「everything from here to there」? It doesn't keep for long...

Do the staff members just enjoy the meal afterward?

「Is that what 'Otome Games' are like...? Are men who make no sense like that popular in your past life's world, Milady?」

If I talk about the game events, it seems like Franz-kun's perception of Japan is going to get warped...

「Rest assured. Most people who played it thought, 'What the heck is this?'」

「Hah...」

It's his usual lifeless reply, but I'll forgive him today.

***

Having finished watching the fish market event, I spend another forty minutes trudging back home.

Forty minutes is a long time.

I know. I'll buy a donut and eat it while walking home.

It looks like Fishmonger Flora-chan's events will probably fizzle out even if I leave them alone. It’ll probably be fine.

*****

TRIVIA COOORRRNAAA......!!!!

Ann claims that donuts have no calories because the hole in the middle "cancels them out." This is a direct reference to a famous running gag by the Japanese comedy duo Sandwich Man. Member Mikio Date is known for his "Zero-Calorie Theory," where he uses absurd logic to justify eating junk food (e.g., "Ice cream is cold, so it has no calories," or "Donuts have a hole, so the calories escape").

Ann describes her disguise as Chiribatsu. This is "backwards slang" (often called Gyaku-go). In Japanese, the word for "perfect" or "perfectly" is Batchiri. Reversing the syllables to Chiribatsu makes her sound like a 1980s industry veteran or a "showbiz" person.

Ann says she can see a "boxfish" (Hakofugu) hovering over the Prince’s head and wants to call him "Prince-kun-san." This is a reference to Sakana-kun, Japan’s most famous celebrity ichthyologist (fish expert). He is known for his high-pitched voice, immense fish knowledge, and his trademark boxfish hat.

Ann accidentally orders a massive amount of food (Agedashi, Motsu-ni, Edamame, Karaage) at a standing bar. In Japan, a Kanji (party organizer) is responsible for ordering the "standard set" of appetizers for the whole group. Ann’s Japanese "salaryman DNA" kicked in the moment she entered an Izakaya. She forgot she was a teenage girl with one companion and ordered the "Office Worker Starter Pack" for a table of ten.

Ann feels like an "American Police Officer" while eating a donut. This refers to the classic Western media trope (which is very well known in Japan via dubbed movies) that American cops spend all their time in donut shops.

The Joke: Hana mentions the Prince has an event where he buys "everything from here to there" on the shelf. This is a common cliché in shoujo manga and otome games meant to show a man's wealth and "dominance." This is a Logistics Joke. While this move is romantic in a clothing store, it is horrifying in a fish market. Ann and Hana realize that if he buys 50 raw mackerels at once, they will just rot, making him look less like a "cool rich guy" and more like a "insane man with a fish hoarding problem."

The Prince warns that squid is high in purines and bad for people with gout. Gout is often called "The Disease of Kings" but in modern Japan, it’s associated with middle-aged men who drink too much beer and eat too much seafood.

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