Perplexity and Secrets

Translated by: ME

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*****

「Father... I am truly sorry.」

Brian lowered his head once more to his father.

***

After the commotion in the Great Hall, Brian had been led—almost dragged—to a waiting room by Claude, where he remained dazed for a long time.

When he finally looked up, Brian gasped again at the sight of Claude, whose face remained an expressionless mask.

He was told that ever since her move to the territory, both Servas and Claude had come to cherish Magnolia as if she were their own true sister or daughter.

If someone were to nearly harm such a precious existence, it was only natural to be angry. Furthermore, precisely because Claude was a knight, Brian’s actions must have appeared as an unthinkable act of violence, one that someone aspiring to knighthood should never even consider.

*That’s right. Originally, that girl was someone meant to be loved.*
Gerald let out a soft sigh.

Hanging his head to avoid Claude’s gaze, Brian began to speak in a low, halting voice. He confessed the filthy interior of his heart—things Claude would likely never be able to understand.

How, when confronted with Magnolia, he felt a senseless irritation and treated her with unnecessary harshness. How, no matter how much he tried to suppress it, he found himself completely unable to control his anger and negative emotions...

How, even after hearing of her accomplishments in the Azenda Margraviate over the last two years, he could only think it was a lie; he had convinced himself that she was merely troubling Servas and Claude to cover up the "flaw" of having her debut at age six. He hated that such a useless sister was being doted on by his grandfather and uncle.

He had only looked upon her face with reluctance, feeling there was no need to even offer a "congratulations." He felt she should be grateful that he even came to celebrate a sister who had selfishly made up her own excuses to leave the house.

When he had joyfully gone to greet his grandfather for the first time in a long while, Servas had reprimanded him for his attitude. He felt a deep sadness, and simultaneously, a fierce rage welled up within him... and all of that rage was directed at Magnolia.

When he tried to "correct" her, she had shot back a sarcastic retort. Even as he tried to hold back, he felt a boiling fury in his gut, and before he knew it, he had grabbed the glass at hand and raised it to strike.

He was utterly horrified by his own behavior...

***

As the story was told in fits and starts, Claude’s face at first twisted—perhaps in anger, perhaps in disgust—but gradually, a look of profound bewilderment took over.

As an emotion felt toward a lovely little sister, this "rage" was far too excessive to be mere jealousy.

Neither Claude nor Servas lacked affection for Brian. They praised him when his actions were worthy of praise and acknowledged his hard work. They found his cheerful demeanor charming and appropriate for his age. Although opportunities to meet had decreased slightly due to the busyness of their projects and the delicate nature of their family relations, they intended to convey their affection whenever they met in the Royal Capital.

They naturally treated him with the love and affection due to a nephew or grandson.

Yet, here was that very nephew, confessing to an inner turmoil so intense it was nearly impossible to comprehend. It was clear that his struggle to handle these feelings was not an act.

Claude listened with a complicated expression.

There was no reason for it. It was simply... *designed* that way, so that they would *not* *love* *her*. He didn't know why. He could only say that was how it was.

For a human being, instinctive loathing is something that cannot be helped.

The heart and personality are invisible. How are they born? How are they formed? Are they twisted by something? One can never see them as a physical object. Sometimes, the reality of it is far too bitter.

Gerald speculated that for Magnolia to live her life—to ensure her personality and actions followed a predetermined path—those around her were being driven to act in a certain way. As if they were being regulated by some powerful, coercive force, no matter how much they resisted.

Gerald still remembered the trembling joy he felt when Brian was born. He would surely never forget it as long as he lived.

He wanted to love his second child the same way. No, loving them should have been natural; even doubting that was strange. Yet, the moment he looked at his newborn daughter, what welled up inside him was an uncontrollable loathing.

An irresistible sense of rejection that appealed to his instincts, even as he wanted to deny it. The hideousness of his own heart for feeling such a way, and the subsequent disappointment. The despair and penance of being unable to love her, no matter how hard he tried.

It was exactly like that future he had once envisioned.

Since then, he had told himself over and over, tried, failed, and been betrayed by his own heart...

***

A person can achieve almost anything through effort. Most "impossibilities" are merely invisible fences of one's own making.

On the other hand, there are things that truly cannot be done, things that will never come true, things that cannot be leaped over, no matter how hard one tries.

Was it weakness? A lack of effort? An excuse? A personality disorder?

Wisteria and Brian were both struggling with their own feelings in their own way. They would likely never admit it even if asked. But Gerald was now certain that they were just like him.

Just as there is no such thing as a perfect saint, there is no such thing as a perfect villain. Even a villain has a line they want to protect.

If he were the only one being hurt, it wouldn't matter. But what if that wasn't the case?

What does one do with something precious?—One hides it away, deeper and deeper.
So that no one can break it, so that we ourselves do not break it.
So that no one can find it. Not from anyone. Not from the Royal Family, and not from all those who would harm his daughter.
He would hide her even from themselves.

Behind a heavy, heavy door, secured with many locks.

————.
———————.

「...I am truly sorry. It is inexcusable, but I shall apologize to Magnolia later. I am sorry to both you, Father, and to Brian.」

At the sound of Gerald’s voice speaking so quietly, Brian clenched his fists tight. Claude hesitated for a moment and gave no answer.

「............ I shall have dinner prepared here.」

Wisteria had been watching the exchange among the three from the corner of the room, uncharacteristically quiet. The sound of a door being slowly and silently shut echoed heavily in her ears.

***

And so, we return to the beginning.

「Father... I am truly sorry.」

Brian lowered his head once more to his father.

「...Brian. A knight must be just. No matter who the person you are guarding is to you, you must protect them properly. You must not be swallowed by passion, and it is out of the question for a knight to be the one causing harm. You need a heart that is always calm... Do you understand?」

「Yes.」

Brian nodded obediently.

「...Then, you must do what you have to do.」

「...Yes.」

Gerald also nodded, his eyes filled with sadness.

***

「Ugh! Honestly, my heart just neawly stopped!」

Lily was huffing with anger toward Brian.

Just a moment ago, Plum had left, repeatedly apologizing for having asked Gai to run an errand for her, clearly distressed by the timing.

Magnolia had told her it was fine since no harm was done, but Plum seemed to take it very much to heart.

「Hey, Lily... do you remember when you first came to the Gilmore house in the Royal Capital?」

「Hmm, I wonder... I don't think I remember very many small details...」

「Just what you can remember is fine. Back then, was there anything unusual? Someone getting sick... or passing away?」

「Ah!」 Lily said, quietly pressing her palms together. 「In that case, I remember thinking how difficult it must be for everyone because there were two funerals in a row. Apparently, there had been another one just before I arrived. I remember the servants talking about how it was just one misfortune after another.」

「...Do you know which houses they were for?」

「Two were for the Azenda Margrave family, and one was for the Burton Count family. They were the master's and the mistress's family homes... It was quite a shock to have them happen one after another.」

It was the answer she had expected. Magnolia nodded quietly.

「I see... as I thought.」

「?」

Magnolia’s eyes darted back and forth as if tracing her thoughts.

「Also, was I a healthy baby?」

She asked with a certain degree of conviction.
...The answer, most likely, was no.

「Goodness, no! You were such a child that you'd fall ill at the drop of a hat—it’s unthinkable compared to now! That’s why, until a certain point, no one thought it was strange that you weren't having your debut... Come to think of it, you suddenly started getting sick right after those funerals ended, didn't you?」

「............」

「...Lady Magnolia?」

Seeing Magnolia fall silent with an expression more serious than usual as she gathered her thoughts, Lily tilted her head confused.

*****

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